136 Steve and Jason - The Choice That Comes From Awareness

In this episode, Steve and Jason discuss:

• Bringing awareness to our internal state 
• Experiencing life more mindfully
• Rewriting the context 
• Rewiring your mind

Key Takeaways:

• The holidays could mean different things to different people. For a lot of us, holidays, like Christmas, mean stress and pressure. We have to be aware of what goes on inside in order to make a choice. 
• When we live life fast, we often hit bumps in the road or see signs that teach us to slow down. Heeding those warnings would mean that you get to experience life much more deeply and more mindfully. 
• No matter what happens externally, we always have the choice of how we respond internally. Rewrite the story in your mind of why a person could be behaving the way they are so you can help yourself respond in a healthy way. 
• There are a lot of ways to rewire your mind and one of the best, both experientially and scientifically, is gratitude.

“Only through awareness do we get that choice. If you're not aware, you don't get a choice, you'll only feel and act and respond to how you feel in the moment.”

-Steve Scanlon

“We have the choice - every day, every moment - we have the ability to change our state.” -
Jason Abell

Connect with Steve and Jason:

• LinkedIn: Jason or Steve
• Website Rewire, Inc.: Transformed Thinking
• Email: grow@rewireinc.com

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Listen to the podcast here:

Steve and Jason- The Choice That Comes From Awareness

Hello, and welcome, everybody to this episode of The Insight interviews. This is your Thanksgiving episode. I'm your host, Jason Abel, and your other host, Steve Scanlon is right by my side, at least virtually. You are there, right, Steve?

No, I'm just kidding. I was gonna just pause long enough to make you feel like, wait a minute.

I had a minute of uncomfortableness there. At least seven seconds of it. I'm glad you're here and I'm not doing this by myself today.

See you're already grateful. Look at that. That's good.

That's good stuff. Well, last week, we did our kind of what's been our third annual, you know, gratefulness or Thanksgiving episode that we do the Friday before Thanksgiving, but this is the Friday after Thanksgiving, and you and I like to come on and talk about a few things this time of year with this specific episode. So, Steve Scanlon, what would you like to talk about today?

It's Black Friday, right? So, let's just get black. And you know, Jason, I suppose, I know for a fact that we've got many people, the Bruce's and Jean’s and other people that are that are regulars to our podcast, and rather than you and I, sitting around thinking about what we want to talk about, sometimes I stop and go, what would be meaningful and useful for the people that our listeners?

Yeah, I dig it.

And so I just step back and go, look, we you know, maybe you over ate last night. I don't know. It's a day that a lot of people don't work. It's kind of a little bit of a free day. And so, I don't know, I think wherever we go, I think, and I suppose I'd like it to be a little light hearted. How about that?

I dig that a lot. I like light heartedness. And you know, we have the I don't know what you call it, the privilege or at least the we're actually recording this a few weeks ahead of Thanksgiving, but I've already got my mind set to what you just said like, oh, maybe last night you, or yesterday you overrate, meaning Thanksgiving and today is that Friday afterwards, and I've gotten myself in the headspace of that day, which I particularly like, this day that the Friday after Thanksgiving. It's one of relaxation, sometimes reflection, as I don't know, as corny as sometimes it sounds, I do reflect on gratefulness and things during the year that I was grateful for. And so, I don't know, that might be a good place to start. And yes, we'll be lighthearted the entire time, Steve.

See, I was already like, Jason, I want you to know, there's three kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

I don't get it.

Exactly.

I get it.

I look, you know, you triggered me to be thinking I also liked this Friday. Isn't it funny? You triggered me to think about, I've noticed, and I think people that are listening, maybe have noticed this too. Have you ever noticed that like, Wednesdays, have a feel. Sunday's, like the days of the week, because of the context that we find ourselves in, they end up feeling a certain way to us and I just think, you know, Fridays have a feel, obviously to some people. For many people Monday. I mean, there's songs sung about this and poems and books are in but I just find it funny that the feeling we get on this day, on this Friday after Thanksgiving, that might be something cool to just to point out to people. Like where do you find yourself? And can you be really really aware of that? Because for a lot of people, it's a really cool feeling of just maybe you feel free, you've been grateful you've been with family and it's just there's not a lot of work to do and there's just a certain sense of freedom to this day. That's how I feel.

Yeah, I think I think I have the same feeling. I will say this though. There are there have been years and there are, and I observe this and other people in heck if I'm, if I'm going to be completely honest, I've experienced this in my own family some years, that the Friday after Thanksgiving is not free and relaxing. It's Black Friday, and here comes Christmas and the holiday parties and the this and that and it's like this other thing. So, there may be listeners that are hearing that us in going, no, today is actually a stressful day because now I got to do this, that and the other and my checklist and whatever. And even being aware of that, and just maybe taking a breath and, and going, okay, hold on, where am I today? What am I aware of today?

And in that awareness, because that maybe is the point, I really appreciate you pointing out that, I definitely think for some people holidays do not necessarily represent calm and peace and joy and stuff, and so, I want to honor that in people. But based on what you said, that awareness piece, I think what comes to my mind is, as I told you, Tuesday's have a certain feel, right? Or maybe certain things like that. One of the things that as you and I practice our own work more and more is, as you become more aware of how things feel, and where things are, I actually think it gives us some span of opportunity to go in some directions that might not be the ones where we are like we have a choice. I think that's one of the reasons to practice metacognition, right? To think about how we're thinking and like you said, think about today, like maybe you have an awareness. Well, someone might ask, well, why would I do that? Well, here's at least one reason. Because let's say your day, after Thanksgiving, this Black Friday that for some people represents stress, and shopping and spending money and Christmas and blah, blah, blah, if you become aware of that, and you become aware of your feeling, and you get to know it so well, you actually can then go, well, what if I chose a different feeling than that?

 

Yeah.

And only through awareness do we get that choice, if you're not aware, you don't get a choice, you'll only feel and act and respond to how you feel in the moment, which could be okay, but it might not be. And so, for me, that's part of what growing and emotional intelligence is all about, and God knows I got a long way to go.

I had an experience just the other day that it's a little bit of a dotted line to what you're saying. It's not direct but bear with me. There are times where I'll sit down to a meal, and I'll just like wolf it down, like I'll just eat it because there's other things that need to happen that day, or I'm involved in a conversation and they'll just kind of just kind of eat fast. And I don't know about you or anybody that's listening, but from time to time, I'll end up biting my tongue or biting the inside of my cheek or some because I'm eating so fast. I like bite myself, and when I do that, by the way, it really hurts. Like I draw blood when that happens. And so, there was a day last week where I bet my cheek in the middle of one of these episodes, and I ended up at the next meal, I bit the same exact spot.

Oh no brutal, oh my gosh.

Dude, it was bad. That pain is just so bad. So, for the next several meals after that for the next several days, up until just the other day, I really concentrated on, okay, Jason, while you're eating SLOW THE HECK down. Like just slow down, because I just didn't want to feel that pain again, right? I needed my mouth to heal. It was a very practical, you know, type of decision. But what I noticed during that practical decision was that as I slowed down how I was chewing my food, and I just became aware of like, okay, you're slowing down on purpose, and I've noticed the flavors of the food. I actually noticed that I felt more relaxed, because I was just purposefully chewing the food slower. And I didn't even mean to do this, but I changed my state to a more positive state during the next several days during you know, certain mealtimes.

                                                                                                             
"And so, the dotted line thing and bringing it back to what you said about, you know, this Friday, you have the ability to just think differently and therefore feel differently. It's not always easy and I know my little cheek biting examples just a simple example of that, but it did remind me of the fact that, no, we have the choice every day, every moment, we have the ability to change our state."

You see the whole episode could be about that. For the record, I'm going to send our team a quick email I would like this podcast to be titled I bit my cheek dash Thanksgiving because I think that's just good.

That's good. That's good.

So, Steph, if you're listening, don't even reach out to mem just call it that. And we'll call it a day.

Perfect.

Or Black Friday for that matter. Yeah, no, oftentimes, Jason, I was I was in a workshop this week, and I was working with a group of people, and there's some stressful things going on in people's lives right now, if you're not aware of that, you know? And I say, right now, as if that weren't the case, like three years ago. We underestimate that, like, yeah, stress is part of our world and life, and I get that, but there's some financial stuff going on, obviously, in the world, and especially for a lot of our listeners that are in the industries that we're working in. But if you ask somebody, you know, why if somebody feels stress, or anxiety or fear, or whatever, you know, and you say, well, why, why are you feeling that? Well, typically, when I'm feeling that, I want to go well, I'll tell you why, and then I'll, I'll say, because didn’t you see what happened to the market? Or didn't you see like, it's always something external that I feel is making me feel a certain way.

Yep.

And it makes so much sense to me, like, you know, if someone cuts you off in a car, like I've told that story before, if someone cuts you off in a car, and you get angry, my wife is like, why are you so mad? Well, I'll tell you why. Because that guy's a jerk. Well, here's what's interesting. The guy in the other car, he could objectively be a jerk. That could be true, right?

Yeah.

And I still get a choice.


That's right. That's right.


So, emotional intelligence isn't about exonerating that guy, right? It's not about going, you know what? People are people. He's okay, like, it's okay to treat people like that. No, it's probably not. And I still get to choose.

Yeah, yeah.

                                                                                                               
"But that's really interesting that you said that just because that choice, if that's true, then golly, the span of control that we have to narrate our own lives is crazy cool, and we don't have to be the victims of the circumstances of a tough economy or people doing dumb things or whatever. Because guess what? We ain't stopping that. We can't do anything about that some of that stuff anyway. The only thing which is have some control over is how we respond."

And I know a lot of people know that, but man, that's something I can still learn to practice more, and I just hope I don't have to bite my cheek all the time to do it, that's all."


Well, you're just reminding me. We teach these concepts day in and day out whether it's virtually online or in person workshops, or as we're coaching people one on one, but we ourselves need to be reminded of this. This particular episode already, gosh, we've only been recording, what 10-15 minutes? And I already want to re-listen to it myself, because I need the reminder of the types of things that we've been talking about, just as much as somebody who's hearing this for the first time.

Yeah, dude, you’re chewing your cheek off your face.

Right? What’s the matter with me?

Well, it's so easy for me to sit there and listen to your story and go, well, all I need to do is look in the mirror and go okay, well, one, we've all done that, which is kind of funny.


Yeah, yeah, right, right.

But I don't want to miss the key point. It wasn't that you're chewing your cheek off, but it caused you to go, wait a minute. And in that slowing down, and in that awareness, because of just being that present, you, if I heard you correctly, and you correct me if I'm wrong, but what I heard is okay, not only could you taste your food better and differently, which was a cool, different experience, probably.

Yep.

But beyond that, you went beyond and said, actually, it had some effect on my emotional state on how I felt, right? And so that's literally your state to just slow down. Now, wouldn't it be cool if we didn't have to chew on our cheek? Or have something tough happened to us to make us do that? But heck, we'll take the lessons wherever we can get them, right?

Well, maybe listening to this episode is just that it's the reminder, it's the, maybe I will take a breath today, or maybe I will slow down today, or maybe I will think about the external things, whether it's the person that cuts me off on the road, or it is the economy or something that's going on with my kids, or whatever it is. Maybe it's listening to this episode right now, which again, I'm not kidding, I will be listening to this right now and learning, you know, from this discussion and relearning from it, but maybe it doesn't take biting off your cheek like me, but just listening to this and going, okay, you know what? This Friday after Thanksgiving, it's a little crazy. We got these plans and I gotta get this done for work and I gotta make sure that I start the shopping or whatever it is that's on your plate, and you go, okay, you know what? I've got a choice right now. To take a breath, slow down, and potentially change my state, rather than just mindlessly go, go go and, and be stressed.

Thank you for that. You triggered something, I trigger something and we get triggered back and forth. Meanwhile, we're not actually talking about gratitude. We are, aren't we? There’s a dotted line. There's a little subtlety about something you said about the person in the car that cuts you off, that I just think it'd be kind of cool to like, um, something I'm personally working on a lot, and I just think it'd be cool to bring this sometimes, if people, someone cuts you off in a car and you grow angry, I know, there's been some people who have tried to learn the lesson of maybe I can change my state by convincing myself that he or she needed to go to the hospital, or pick up their kid. Like, in other words, if I could rewrite that story, that narrative in my own head that they did that on purpose, and they're evil, awful humans, and I could rewrite that narrative, that it might change my state. Now, here's what I want to say. That's okay. I wonder, though, if it's not also okay to, irrespective of why the person did that, maybe they were okay. I think most of the time people do that out of obliviousness, personally. I don't know that I think I assign evil that when I gotta go cut people off and make him mad.

Sure.

I don't know. I think people are oblivious, but rather than focus on let me rethink the narrative of what I think that person is doing. For me, I'm learning that that's actually a distraction from the better question of wow, look at me respond.

Yep. Yep.

So, if you the listener have been practicing, like, I want to rewrite that narrative, maybe that person's this, maybe that person is that, okay, if that's helpful, that's cool. You can do that. I think it's further helpful to go irrespective of the reason, look at me respond with anger, or frustration, or anxiety. Interesting. What's that response about? I just, I think that is been so helpful to me. And by the way, very hard to practice, not easy to explain, but practicing that level of metacognition. But back to the show that we're doing today, on this particular day, and maybe, I know people probably went around the table last night at some level carried out some conversation about pilgrims or what you're grateful for, or whatever, I don't know. Hopefully we don't tire of that, but I wanted to let you know that it is not only a thing that is part of our curriculum here at Rewire. If you want to rewire your mind, there's a lot of ways to do that. One way that's abundantly clear, both experientially anecdotally and scientifically, is gratitude.



I see it in my own life, I see it in our clients' lives. I mean, very often, we'll start with, well, gosh, almost every single episode of this podcast, we ask that question of our guests to begin with. Very often in a workshop setting, I'll either ask that question out loud, or for people to write it down themselves, and you can see people state change. They sit up a little straighter, maybe their face softens a little bit, like, I see that. And then, you know, I'll say this as a facilitator, and I don't know if you have this experience, Steve. When they are doing those things, that it's helping them and I can tell by their body language, it's helping them, it actually then helps me as a facilitator facilitate better and in a different state, which then I think helps that better and there's like this thing that happens and so yeah, dude.

Well, that thing that happens just so you know, there are people like Dr. Daniel Siegel, and other people in the world that are much smarter than you and I, they carry that out to a physical level where next thing you know, you're having a conversation about quantum entanglement and quantum physics. Which by the way, I barely even know what those words mean, you know, way over my head. What I generally understand about him and I, if we have some listener that knows more than we do, the ones to write in and slap my hand are generally speaking, there's a connectivity to this whole thing that exists at a physical level that's not in our sight. That's crazy cool. And so that description of people experiencing gratitude, having them change, having it change them and having that flow between you go back and forth. There's evidence that that's not just a feeling and something that you and I think that there's some really cool science also.

Yeah, it's a real, it's a real thing.

It doesn't have to be proven in science for it to have a positive impact on you, right?

That's right.

But the fact that it does, and it has that domino, for some reason, I think that's pretty freakin' cool.

Yeah, it is. I don't, I'm sure I'm not smart enough to understand the quantum physics of it all, but I know when it's happening, because I felt it multiple times. And so have you, listeners. Like you, you know, right? Even if it's just one on one with someone, you know, when that flow state is happening, you know, where I don't know if there's an algorithm to it, if there's a formula to it, but you know, when it happens, and man, because it's the Friday after Thanksgiving, I just know that gratitude often is a part of it. And then that quickly leads to trust and all kinds of other things. But, you know, I don't know, gosh, we're 22 minutes into this podcast so far, we could go way down a rabbit hole for the next two hours, but I don't know if that's necessary.

I think people would be grateful if we just ended it.

Goodbye.

I have said that before life, like when you're presenting, I tell people, I don't care how good you think you are as a presenter, no one ever complained that someone ended early.


Yeah, yeah. Goodbye. We're done. Well, we’ll do the same thing today. It's, you know, we do have workshops on this. We have keynotes on it. We have other podcast episodes that we've done on this. But for today, I don't know. One, Steve, thank you for being my partner and showing up and we're doing this you know, right now. I love this. Like, I love what we're doing even right this very minute. And I hope all the listeners, you know, just have a great Thanksgiving weekend, and, man, we'll be back next week.

Before we go for you signed off, I wanted to let you know that like this was like, again, you want to know what quantum physics is all about? And let me tell the listeners, ready? Before we started the show and hit record, I was telling you episodes of today of just stuff that was going on in my life laughing going my pets’ heads were falling off like I was had. And we had to rush into the show to hurry up and record something on gratitude, and we both sort of laughed at that, which was very therapeutic, by the way. And then we get in we actually, just talking to you, and hearing what you were saying about at you biting your cheek and paying attention to food. Like, I don't know how to say this like, no, like, I'm changed right now. Three minutes before this podcast, you know, we recorded it my pets heads were falling off.

Yeah, and for those of you that may not get that line.

No, don't tell them. No, no, don't tell.

Okay. No, well, maybe a reference to the show notes or something?

Yeah, put the reference to it in the show notes, but if you don't get that line, you shouldn't even be a client of ours, listening to our podcasts.

My gosh, we have people all around the country going heads, what is? His pets? Is he okay?

No, their heads are falling off.

Oh my God.

Well, I am grateful for you, Jason. We got to spend some time yet again, and we're gonna get to do it again here in a few weeks. We live on opposite ends of the country, and we get to be like this verbally a lot, which is great, and we do a lot of this work together. Sometimes we get to be together, and our wives were together, and it was just, you know, I look back at that and go, I’m super grateful for that. So, I'm grateful for the work we get to do. I'm actually grateful that you bit your cheek, it's gonna really help me.

My self-mutilation can serve your purpose. Sure. Great, wonderful.

No, but the purpose it serves is and the reason that's funny, there's no way someone's not listening to this going, oh, I've so done that.

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, about twice or a third time and then you know, we got to-

Well, then I got a hold on my cheek. No problem. I think I have a more injured mouth than most. I'm pretty convinced of it. But that story is for another day.

I am grateful for you. But like you say, our gratitude for each other for the work we do for the clients that we have for the lives that we live, that's all cool. That's not really even why we're doing this. Tell them why we even have the Insight Interviews, Jason.

Well, it's not about what you and I are grateful for even the insights are the nuggets that we get, you know, from hosting this podcast or the podcasts in general, but it's for the listeners to have their own sense of gratitude and ask themselves, what insights are they getting?

That's exactly right. Well, so with that, we hope you have some great insights on this Friday. We hope you have a very strong finish to the rest of the year, and we look forward to seeing you on the next episode.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Peace.

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