Dan grew up in Hawaii surfing. His love for surfing and flow continues in his coaching practice as he works with clients to help them catch and ride the waves and opportunities that come into their lives and career. Dan loves being with people during the quiet, sacred and challenging times of transition in their lives. He considers it a privilege and an honor to work with clients as they refine their goals, work through their mental models and chart their own personal course to become what they want to become.
In this episode, Jason and Dan discuss:
- The Power of Asking the Right Question
- Recognizing Challenges and Conflicts
- Articulating Your Purpose
- Aligning Goals and Purpose
- The Importance of Awareness
Key Takeaways:
- Uncover the potential of exploring uncharted territories and embracing change
- Learn the art of relationship building and comprehending shared aspirations for effective collaboration
- Master the skill to manage overwhelm by streamlining your focus on the most crucial aspects
- Acknowledge the role of clear purpose statements in guiding choices and nurturing responsibility
- Embrace the self-awareness journey to awaken your purpose and fulfill your innermost potential
“The one or two most important things you want to accomplish in the next six to twelve months can be your North Star, guiding your decisions and keeping you focused on what truly matters to you.”
-Dan Deka
Connect with Dan Deka:
Connect with Steve and Jason:
- LinkedIn: Jason or Steve
- Website Rewire, Inc.: Transformed Thinking
- Email: grow@rewireinc.com
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Listen to the podcast here:
Dan Deka- Name to Claim to Reframe
Hello and welcome, everybody, to this episode of the Insight Interviews. We've got a round two-er. This is one of those podcast episodes that I don't know, I guess I say I get excited about all of our podcast episodes, and I do, but this one is special. The first conversation with this individual was a ton of fun. It's one of our most downloaded episodes, and so we're going to bring back a Rewire coach and just an amazing human being, Dan Deka. Dan, welcome to the show for round two.
Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure.
You know, there’s a bio that I think we collaborated on. I think you wrote most of this and then it ended up on our Rewire website, and I need to reintroduce our guests to you. Sorry, I need to reintroduce you to our listeners. And so, is it okay if I kind of do a very similar introduction as we did last time?
You bet. Yeah.
So, listen to this, everybody. Dan grew up in Hawaii and he's a surfer. Dan believes that surfing a wave is a great metaphor for his career passions and life. Meaning that you have to drop in, commit, learn from your mistakes, paddle back out and do it again and again. Continued striving and continued improvement. Dan is also, as I said before, a coach here at Rewire who loves to support his clients through the valuable transitions and disruptions of life. He has had extensive HR consulting and coaching background, and the name of one of his companies is get this, flying Squirrel. Flying Squirrel. So, I don't know, Dan, maybe we start off there. Why is one of your companies named Flying Squirrel?
Sure. When I got certified as a coach, I went to Georgetown, and at the time, there were really only two places to get certified. It was either a place I think it was New Ventures West and Georgetown. And I went there, and I remember sitting with one of my friends, one of the best coaches I've ever worked with, Sammy Duff, and I was like, if I ever start a coaching company or it's going to be called Flying Squirrel, and the idea behind it was, I just love the Flying Squirrel. It doesn't have wings. It's just got a little extra skin and a lot of courage. And what it's got to do is it's got to climb to the place of most potential and most opportunity, and then it's just got to launch. It's just got to launch. And like I said, no wings. Just a little bit of extra skin, a lot of courage and a lot of commitment, and it launches and it soars and then it lands and then it's got to do it all again. And just that cycle and the cycle of commitment and practice and launching is just the image that I loved, and I think it's an image of my clients. I think my clients are going through that process, and I'm facilitating it. And then also, as a coach, I have the same experience where I'm committed to my clients. And then we're launching. I'm saying some things, asking them some things. I'm like, does this match? Do you have any thoughts about this? And then we're kind of working through that understanding, doing the work, and then launching again. So that's where it came from.
Oh, man. There are so many directions we can go off of just based on that metaphor. I think of launching businesses, I think of launching relationships. I think of launching projects or transitions in life, and I think about the work that you do with our clients, with your clients, and it just seems like just the perfect metaphor. You and I talked ahead of time on some different topics that we wanted to hit on, but based on something that you just said, I guess I would like to ask you right now, we're recording the first time that we were recorded, pandemic was in full swing. Here we are three years later, which is hard to believe it's already three years later. Using the metaphor that you just did of the flying squirrel with the things that you said about courage, launching, landing, doing it again, those things that you said, not being fully prepared, maybe no wings, what types of things are you seeing right now with your clients as you bring in that particular metaphor? What types of themes are you seeing right now?
Probably the biggest one that comes to mind is unfamiliar and uncharted territory. So, like, we're all launching in forests that we've never been in, off of trees that are unfamiliar to us, and I probably would say that's the theme. It's just so many uncharted territories, ideas. When you go with the economy, politics, mortgages, interest rates, businesses, AI, like, things that are starting, things that are stopping, and then you go into religious beliefs or my upbringing, and I just feel like it's such an uncharted time. And a bunch of that excites me because I say this often. I wish that I learned from just reading books and other people's experiences and podcasts, but from my experience, the times that I learned the most are from these disruptive experiences, challenges, and navigating uncharted territories.
"It seems like when I'm going through those uncharted territories, that's the only time that I'm really have to think about what do I believe? What do I think? What do I want to achieve? When I'm cruising through familiar neighborhoods and ideas and relationships, it doesn't put a lot of strain on me, but when it's new and uncharted, it really does disrupt me and a lot of times we do things to purposely disrupt ourselves."
We'll do a 360, we'll talk to a friend, we'll talk to a mentor, we'll take a class, but that's what I hear and see and feel is just people navigating and the globe navigating so many things that are new and uncharted.
Thank you for that. And I would concur, by the way, those are a lot of the themes that I'm hearing as well, seems like now more than ever. And it feels weird to say that because when we had our first conversation, there was the pandemic going on, and I'm pretty sure we said the same thing then, like it feels now more than ever. In fact, that was the theme of our discussion, was disruption and kind of the pitfalls, but also the opportunities as a result of that. So, I asked you kind of an umbrella question, and if we dove down a little bit there, Dan, are there any examples or stories that come to mind when you think of that general theme of disruption and what's happening and how you're talking to your clients about that?
Yeah, there's a lot that comes to mind, but I think as we're navigating uncharted territories and waters and experiences and we're in new roles and doing things we've never been asked to do before, or we're stretching, one story that comes to mind is when I was getting trained as a coach at Georgetown. I remember I was there, and I saw that the gentleman that introduced taekwondo to the United States was speaking. I was like, oh, I got to go and listen to this guy, and so I went one night and somehow I found myself in the front row and he was standing up there, and he was an older gentleman in his eighties. And I remember he said, I can do 30 push-ups in 30 seconds, and he got down, he did that. And I'm just like, well, I don't know if I could do that. And then he stood there, and he said, I can stand on my left leg and touch my right knee to my forehead, and he did that. And then someone out of the audience asked him what everyone was thinking. They asked him, how are you always in such perfect balance? And he chuckled like some character from Kung Fu Panda and said, I'm not always in perfect balance. I just recover so quickly, you think I am. And I remember that that had a huge impact on me, on my definition of what's success is. It always being in perfect balance and having everything ordered and being perfect, or is it recovering quicker? And I quickly in that moment, it's like, oh, it's recovering quicker. And so that mental model had a big impact. I spent a lot of time with people, and when you're thinking, you're like when you're navigating uncharted territory and new roles, it's kind of impossible to be perfect, but you can recover quicker. Instead of maybe sometimes, like at home, like in the past, I would have discussions or arguments with family members, and they would keep me off kilter for weeks. I wasn't even aware of that, but my wife definitely helped me become more aware of that, more than my kids. And then the idea is just when I do get triggered or pushed off balance, can I recover quicker? And if I move that from weeks to days to hours to minutes to seconds, that's the goal. And so that mental model around what's the definition of success, and then an extension of that is, well, what are you recovering to? That's always a good exploration. Are you recovering to your values, to your mission, to your purpose? Are you recovering? What's your home base that you're coming to? And like we said earlier, with so many things changing and so much instability, I think it's more and more important that we know as individuals what we're recovering to.-1.png?width=340&height=260&name=Untitled%20design%20(24)-1.png)
There's a lot of things that come to mind there. I can't remember if we've had this conversation or not. I'm about 93% sure I know the individual that you're talking about. Was it Jhoon Rhee?
I don't remember. I actually don't remember right now. I could find out, but I don't remember.
Okay, well, for future reference, find out. I'm going to bet that it was, and he had a major impact on my life. I've met him several times and he has since passed away, but anybody who wants to do some pretty neat YouTubing, look up Jhoon Ree taekwondo and you will see examples of some of the things that Dan just talked about, about balance. This older, older gentleman doing some things that shouldn't be able to do, but the philosophy behind it that you so well-articulated there was really good. And this idea of gosh disruption happens all the time, but how quickly we can recover, and you said some things there about purpose and why. I'd like to dig into that a little bit as you're talking to your clients. I know that, and I'll just say this for myself, and I have the advantage of doing a lot of discovery calls for rewire coaching, and I hear often and I have this particular challenge that I'm trying to fix, and I want to get there in the shortest distance possible, and then I know coaches like you come along and you start at a different place than maybe what might seem like the perfect quickest, straight line possible, talking about things like purpose and why and those things first. Can you address that a little bit?
I will say before the purpose, there's a question that I use a lot and especially like when you're talking about discovery and starting the coaching process, and I can tell you I don't ask people about their goals. If I ask people about their goals, they're going to tell me what they think I want to hear. They're going to tell me what something smart might be and what could be posted on their performance review or on Instagram. So, I don't ask them about goals. I find that word to be very loaded, very magnetic, and it draws a lot to the singularity of thought, but I ask them, what are the one or two most important things you want to accomplish in the next six to twelve months? And I find that everyone can answer that question and when I mean that, you could ask a seven- or eight-year-old that question. I've asked my mom and dad that question. We were at Wendy's in Gallup, New Mexico, and a homeless guy asked for some food and my wife bought him a Baconator, and while they were making it, I was standing there talking to him and I asked him that question. And he answered that question around getting back to Albuquerque where he had family, so I think in all this chaos and all this this and all this comparison in social media, when you look at LinkedIn or you look at Facebook, it looks like everybody knows what they want.
You mean they don't?
Yeah, just the whole world, they know exactly what they want. They got it all figured out. But that question, that's where I start. And that often is like the North Star for me as a coach is I want to always keep that in mind. And I want to keep that in mind for my kids, for my wife. And in fact, it's turned into a measure of success, of how strong is the relationship that I have with this person? Sometimes, I coach people and they've got some teams of five or six people or more, and it's almost 100% of the time the people that they're moving well with, and things are going well with, they can answer that question. They know what are the one or two most important things they want to accomplish in the next six to twelve months. The people that they are having some challenges with, maybe leading, or there's some performance issues, they normally don't know the answer to that question. I think it's really important to know that for the people around us, the people that we're trying to work with and help and grow and lead, because it gives us that direction. What I mean by that is if we've got some piece of work that we would like someone to do, we don't have to line up everything to that one or two most important things, but if 10% of the work that we delegated was lined up to that, they would be pumped. Their engagement would go up significantly, and they would be like, I work for someone or I live with someone, or I'm married to someone that knows what's important to me, and they're trying to help me achieve that goal. And so, that's a tool. So that's a step before the bigger purpose, but just a way to align. And I think there's just a lot of power in that simple question.
Yeah. Both professionally and personally, just like you said. So, I think if you're listening to this and you think about your direct reports, boy, that seems like a really important question to ask. Or if you're having relationship challenges with your partner or your kids or maybe your friends, that sounds like a really good question that you might want to ask.
Yeah. And even Jason, your boss, do you know your boss? What they want to accomplish in the next six to twelve months? Like, that's really helpful. Or your boss's boss. Because sometimes that hierarchy we kind of stop, we're always kind of looking down or across your peers, but even a lot of times people have challenging relationships with the people that they work with and I will work with them, we can talk about things and there are techniques and processes but I'm just like at the core, do you understand what the one or two most important things are for your manager? Boy, if you do, I'm very confident that there's an alignment and there's a connection and if you don't, I'm pretty confident that it's probably tough to work for them.
You mean as you're coaching somebody, if they don't know those answers you're going to automatically know that there's probably some challenges or some conflict there? But if they do know those answers there's just a higher chance of alignment?
Or what I find is just when they are talking about challenges that they're having with this person, there's a very high correlation that they probably can't answer that question for them. Or if they've got three kids and two of them are doing really well in school and one of them is really having some challenges, and it's interesting sometimes if they had a child with a challenge that's experimenting with things, looking at things or trying things, or drugs or alcohol oftentimes, often something like that, erodes, that relationship kind of gets in the way, kind of muddies the water because we're so focused on that and we don't ask that question, hey, what are the one or two most important things you want to accomplish? I just find it's such a simple question but it just aligns, it creates a common alignment and a lot of times we're like oh, I want to help this person, but I don't know how. Somebody will say that to me, and there's a pretty direct relationship. I mean, if you don't know how to help them, you probably don't know where they're trying to go and if you do know where they're trying to go, the one or two most important things they want to accomplish in the next six to twelve months, you can probably figure out a way to help them do that.
Yeah, it's so good. So let me ask you, I guess something that I hear often and maybe some clarifying questions for people that are listening. The one or two most important things, sure. What about when the person says, okay, that's great. I got like 15 things that are hugely important. I can't ignore those things. Again, I think I know the direction of your answers here, but just the overwhelmedness that I hear these days out there and shucks, sometimes that I experience myself, how do you cut through some of that? Like okay, those are the one or two things, but man, I got ten other things over here that are a lot of days just as important.
Yeah. Boy, my mind goes in a lot of different ways, but just for starters, if I ask them what are the goals that they want to accomplish, they're going to come with five or ten or 15. If I ask them the one or two most important things, and it sounds so vague, it's narrowing down one or two and then it's most important things and you're like, Dan, you're a coach. Can you be a little bit more specific than that? But that's not the experience that I have with people. If I ask them about their goals, I get a list of five to ten or 15. If I ask them the one or two most important things they want to accomplish, it almost takes them out of the list and it puts them on a path to their heart. There's something about it. And then, something else that happens when you use that question and that you want to be familiar with, is what are the one or two most important things? And you'll get this question half the time, do you mean personally or professionally? And my answer is always, yes.
I Know that about you.
Yeah, it's just like because whatever comes up for them is going to be the most important things. Well, let's focus on that. Let's keep that as the North Star that leads us in that direction. But then what happens is we'll usually go, well, that's where they want to go, and then as we talk more, we figure out maybe where's the place that they struggle to get to that place, and that's where we hone in on. In fact, when I'm coaching people, I'll be coaching and I'm just listening to them, I'm confident the answers are in them, and whenever they say, I hear them say that word, like, I really struggle with, I just put down my pen and I just stop and I'm just like, tell me more about that. When you hear those words from someone of I really struggle with, that's like a marching band with signs saying Help. Most people won't have that band accompanying them, and they may not have a big sign, but I just find in language and in relationship, if anyone is ever vulnerable to say because how many times do people say, I really struggle with this? Not very often. And when they do, I'm like, just stop everything. So that's where my mind went on that. And then to follow up on your question of the people that have so many things, that's where I start to lean into a purpose statement and clarifying their purpose. Because a lot of times, well, you don't need a purpose statement, and by purpose statement, I mean, like, why are you on the planet? So, a big thing I'm not talking about a purpose statement of just like, what's my role? I mean, why you're on the planet? And you don't need a purpose statement to choose between good and bad. You don't. You choose the good. You actually need a purpose statement to choose between multiple goods because you got to look at it and that's when I hear this “I've got so many things”, I find that that that's someone that is moving from multiple purposes often, and if we can narrow that down to like, hey, what is my purpose? That purpose helps them to choose between multiple goods, and you end up when you have that purpose statement, you're like, which choice is going to magnify my purpose? Like, help me fulfill my purpose the most. That's where I find that to be very helpful.-1.png?width=340&height=260&name=Untitled%20design%20(25)-1.png)
You have been instrumental with helping a lot of people articulate their purpose. If our listeners hear that and they go, okay, that sounds really grandiose, where do I start? Not that we're going to do the whole entire thing, but where's one or two places for them to maybe pause the podcast or after they listen to the podcast, they could take one or two steps in that direction and really articulating, this is my purpose.
Yeah, I've got a few resources. Let me give a little preamble or a little thought around purpose. Purpose, being clear on your purpose statement will not alleviate the difficulty in your life. In fact, in many ways, it increases your experience of stress because it's probably one of the most accountable things you can do in your life. It's just like, what is my purpose? And no longer moving from the scripts that other people have written or the scripts that you saw, or like, this is what it means to be a man or a woman or a husband or a dad or a mom, but your personal statement, to me, it's like one of the ultimate acts of accountability. So, I just put all that out there of like, this is not some light hearted, oh, my purpose, it's an investment in yourself. I just wanted to put that out there. And with that, that's why when you say, are there any, like, I think there are some great resources, and then it's a really good idea to move with someone during this. So, I just wanted to put that out there. But my journey on purpose started with Simon Sinek. He did a lot of work around this. He had a process, this little online process that you could work. That was like ten or 15 years ago. And I'm like, I really enjoyed it, and it was helpful. And then he wrote a book about it, Find Your Why, and I found that to be very helpful. The statement for a why statement, and your purpose is my purpose is to, and then you insert your unique contribution, and you insert your desired impact. So, it's one sentence. That sounds very simple, and then the process is interesting. And again, this is a process I'm like, you can read the book, or you can go through the book with someone, or you can work with a coach on it and anybody that ever listens to this podcast, and if you want to talk purpose, just call me up. I'd love to help you facilitate and just work through it, because I just find it to be an absolute pleasure to be working with people and talking with people when they are pursuing this. But what I think is really interesting is I could tell people, hey, go sit in a room and write out your purpose. When the purpose comes up, that's what people usually are thinking about. Puts a lot of pressure on them because you're like my purpose? And everyone thinks that their purpose needs to be like the Magna Carta Declaration of Independence, right? It's got to be something that is postable and instagrammable, and you can put it, and people will get it. And I'm like, no, this is just for you. And it's going to be this one sentence. The thing that I find, let me just describe the process just really quickly. This is not enough to go and do it, but just to illustrate what you would be talking about. So instead of asking people to go and just write it out, I'm like the book, and my process that I've taken from it is, go and identify five friends, people that know you really well, and ask them, can we have five minutes together? And then just ask them, why are we friends? And when you do that, they're going to laugh kind of uncomfortably. They're going to chuckle, and they're going to be like, what do you mean? It's because we've known each other so long.
Sure.
And then you kind of refine that a little bit and say, why are you friends uniquely with me? And then you just sit there, and you just listen. Because, Jason, you and I have this idea about ourselves, and it's rooted in humility. And, hey, we don't want to get too much about ourselves, and so you and I have a hard time of seeing our, but, like, you could probably describe my strengths better and my unique contribution better than I could myself, because I just get clouded in this idea, and I could describe them for you. It's just like, off the tip of my tongue.
"So, we have other people do that and literally, you just ask them, why are we friends? Why are you friends with me? You write down what they say, and those are the building blocks for your why. Those words, that energy, and those are the building blocks for either your unique contribution or your impact."
So, it's not just one of them. And then the second phase of it is it really doesn't take a lot more time. You look at your life, you just get a piece of paper and you go, what are the most significant events in my life? And that can be that can be quite an interesting experience for people because it’s not always good, because you narrow it down to your top five and you're like, Dan, my top three are really dark and they're from my childhood, and we kind of talk about that, but we identify those. So, the most significant events, the top five, and then we go to a couple of people, friends, good friends, that know you really well, and you say, I'm going to share with you my most significant events, and I want you to repeat back the themes that you hear. And so, you just share with them the significant events, and then they're going to share the themes that they hear, because you and I, those things just happen to us, but other people are able to see how because of that, and even if it was something very challenging, and most likely if it was something very challenging, it had an influence on us in some way. And most people are so amazing and survivors and learners that they're able to take that experience and it had an impact on them and it created a theme and a direction in their life. Often, it's the opposite of this. Like, my parents did this, I never want to do that, or I had this experience, I never want anyone to experience that, so, I'm going to lean this other way and I'm going to be a different person. So, I could go into a lot of that process, but the thing around the purpose is you don't spend time in your mind and in your office. Go and talk with other people. And it's such an incredible experience. Often people are very nervous about it. They feel uncomfortable, just like, why are we friends? And then they get this kind of wave and rush of such beautiful words.
Sure.
And that's why we have them write them down and then connect to those. And then you draft your why statement. It's really good if you're doing it with someone else, because the majority of times that I'm working with people, they draft a why statement that's really long with a lot of words, and I help them condense it.
Sure.
And we just talk about things like, hey, really meaningful things are often very simple, like Love thy neighbor. That's three words, but there's a lot in that.
For sure.
And so, their why statement, it's very simple. It's just for them and it has tons of meaning behind it. But that's the direction that I head with people. And it's interesting, like these two things, like, what are the one or two most important things you want to accomplish? Kind of that North Star or where we're going and then this purpose. And when you have these two things to kind of align, it's kind of like two points. Two points help you get a direction. One point is just like, I'm kind of going here.
That's right.
Kind of two things that you're using to kind of triangulate where you're going are very helpful.
All of this, and I've been writing feverishly, you got some gold here. All of this is a really good segue into something that I also know is important to you, and it's just this idea and what you've just said speaks right into this, is I know the idea of awareness is super important to you in mental models, and so, again, I feel like maybe we need to do around three Dan, to go over those things. But, if you were to, I think some of the things that you just said is a good segue into awareness because I'm feeling like if you're asking people those questions to get to your own purpose, you can't help but become more self-aware. Is that right?
Yeah, like that pursuit, and you know, what's interesting about your question, Jason, is a lot of people, everybody is just like, I need to be more self aware, you know, I think there's this story that's happening with social media and all this chaos and disruption that people are like, I don't know. I don't know. And I can tell you I move from the space of like, you do know. You do know. When we're doing that purpose work, let me go back a little bit. If I ask them about their goals, they're like ahhh, but I ask them one or two most important things, it just rolls out. It just rolls out. So, it's there. And then this purpose we are not drafting a purpose. In fact, that book is not called like, Write Your Why. It's Find your Why. And I talk with people all the time. Finding your purpose and why you're on the planet sounds like, so big, but everyone has it. It's there. And especially when we're talking with people that are pursuing their own development and growth, like, I want to coach or I want to get better or I want to ascend or be a better person, they are being motivated by a why. But like we said, with all this distraction, all this chaos, the world is kind of saying, look out here and look at this and look for this, for the answer, and we get distracted from looking in and assessing what do I want and what are the themes in my life? And I just wanted to put that out there that I think talk about mental models, there's a mental model out there that I can't know my purpose, and I just haven't found that to be true as I talk with people. This is not something that you kind of spread across all your clients like butter over bread. This is not fit for everyone at times in their lives.
Yep, yep.
If you got a lot going on, or if you're in a new job or you've got sick kids or you're taking care of aging parents, it may not be the right time to put this time and investment in your purpose just emotionally.
Yep.
Now, practically, when there's a lot of challenge going on in your life, there's no better platform to pursue your purpose, because you're like, I got to figure out what the heck I'm going to do in the face of this challenge.
That’s right.
But when we're talking about mental models, I think that's one that I would start with is just there's this mental model and assumption that I can't know, I don't know why I'm here on this planet, and I'm just like, you can, you do, and when you look at your life, you've made decisions and had successes and influenced people. When we look back, think about that process. I'm talking to my friends, hey, why are we friends? That's looking back and you're like, looking back over your life, your significant events, you're looking back to see the path that you've been on. It's interesting, we're getting our purpose statement, and usually that's like, where do you want to go? One or two most important things, but we actually find it by learning from our past.
Right on.
And we're living in the present, and then we're planning and pursuing that future. So, yeah, that's my quick answer to your question.
Well, what I'm hearing you say, if I were to just boil it down and articulate it back to you, is you already have your purpose. It's already there. It's not like you need to create it. You're living it out. Whether you're aware of it or not. Some of the processes that you just described may help bring it to the surface or help you put words to it or help you discover it in a clearer way, which to me, Dan, just makes it sound so much easier than it needs to, this Ah. What's my why?
I don't know. And I've got all, like you mentioned, social media distractions or political distractions or global, whatever, but you're already living out your purpose. Just doing some of the exercises that you have described may help surface them and may help you articulate them better, which then helps you be more aware, which is, again, you described that artfully, I thought.
Thank you. Yeah, it's there, and that's a very positive view of the human condition and of our neighbors and of our clients and not just the ones that we work really easily with, but some of the challenging ones. I mean talk about a mental model of life. It's just like, yes, people do have their purpose, and it's there within them, and we're just helping them find it.
Yeah. One of the amazing things that we get to do with people, I mean, I'm thinking of some of the examples that you've given, and I think I used the word struggle with you or something like that about a year and a half ago when you were helping me through some stuff, and you literally did what you just described. You put the pen down, so to speak, and looked right at me and said, tell me more about that. That has impacted me since that day. And so, if you're listening to this podcast and you hear yourself, even if you're hearing yourself tell yourself, man, I'm really having a hard time with this, or I'm struggling with this, that's a time for you yourself to put down your pen and go, do I have more to say about this to myself? Should I get a journal out and write some things? Should I get my best friend and talk about these things? Should I get a coach and talk about these things? You're talking about impactful things right here, Dan, and as always, I so appreciate our conversations.
Thank you.
Dude, our podcasts usually go for 30 minutes. We've already gone over that. But I want to ask you, and I do feel confident that we're going to have around three- you may be the first guest that we've had three interviews with, but-
My pleasure.
You're kind. With that being said, is there anything that we have not hit on that you would like to make sure that we address?
I think just with your last comment of paying attention to ourselves and then paying attention to what happens when we do realize we're struggling, and I can tell you these are some things I do when I'm struggling. I pick up my phone, because if I pick up my phone and I look at all my emails, I don't have to pay attention to that struggle. Or I'll start cleaning, because if I start cleaning or I'll eat, I'll eat something, because as soon as I feel what you brought up, I think is very interesting of like, when we do feel that, what do we normally do? Do we have a drink?
Distraction, yeah.
And the idea and my wife's been doing a bunch of shamanic breath work, being trained as a facilitator, and a lot of that work is when that discomfort happens, what do we do with that? Do we move past it or do we sit in that? And we don't need to ask all the time, like, why am I struggling? But just the idea of, like, I'm struggling and own that and feel that.
And I remember from Georgetown, I was trained, we need to be able to name things so we can claim things, so we can reframe things. And we were just on a walk last night, walking our dog and my wife was just sharing some thoughts and I'm like, oh, it all kind of came together there. But yeah, just as a last thought for people, it's just like when we do feel uncomfortable, what do we do with that? That's a great acknowledgment, kind of like awareness and do we move away from it or do we stay in it? And I don't mean stay in it, like just dwell on how miserable, but just go, wow, I was triggered by that person. Or I am feeling fired up right now and we can go, why? why? Or we can go, I'm feeling fired up right now. Name that and then claim it. And now that's when I can reframe it. Meaning like, what am I going to do with this? Am I going to talk with someone? Am I going to give a call? Am I going to go work out, am I going to eat? But just being able to choose that and be aware of that, so that's just a parting thought, is not all difficult and bad feelings are bad. Yeah, right. They serve a purpose and they're just another emotion, another piece of data for us to use in our lives.
Such a great place to end. Name things, to claim things, to then reframe things. Dan Deka, you surfed that wave well, you dropped in, you paid attention, you had the courage to do it and hopefully we'll be able to do it again. Dan, thank you so much. As always, when you and I have conversations, sometimes when it's the day to day three-minute conversations that we have, or the lengthier, impactful ones, there's always a mark that you leave, and you did it again today. So, Dan Deka, thank you so much. The last question I'll ask you is much easier. How do people find you if they want to reach out to you?
Sure, yeah, my website is theflyingsquirrel.coach and then my email is Dan@flyingsquirrel coach.com And so, yeah, just email me and on my website, I've got a place where you can set up where we can meet and chat. And, yeah, if you've heard any of these things and you want to chat about any of them, I'm happy and elated to actually talk with any of you.
I know you well enough to know that you mean that when you say that. So, flying Squirrel, Dan Deka, thank you so much, my friend. We'll do it again soon.
Thank you so much, Jason, and thank you to you and Steve and the whole rewire team for creating an opportunity for me to coach and to meet people and to work and continue the message and the work that you all are doing. It's a privilege to be associated with you all and do this work with you. So, thank you.
It's absolutely our pleasure and our honor. Thanks, Dan.
Thank you.
So many takeaways and insights from Dan Deka. This whole idea about what are the one or two most important things that you want to accomplish over the next six to twelve months? That just takes away the discussion of goals and a big list of things and really narrows focus to one or two things. Love that. That helps you become more self-aware. This challenge of going to five people that you're close with, whether that's friends or family, and just asking them why they're friends of yours and why they chose you to be their friend, and really asking one or two deeper level questions there. Well, first of all, no one that you're going to ask that to is going to end up with less of a relationship with you, it's probably going to strengthen and deepen your relationship with them. And two, you just start to become way more self-aware. And then lastly, there's so many other things but lastly, he said name things to, to then hen claim things to then reframe things. I'll leave you with that listener. Those were my insights. What's most important, as we always say at every podcast ending of the Insight Interviews is what insights did you have?
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